Adoption is a really serious and debated subject. Part of me does not even want to write about adoption because it is so debated. But I ran into a couple Facebook groups today and I have not been able to think about anything else since then. One group is full of families who have successfully adopted or are going through adoption. The other is a group of people who have been adopted, grew up, and now is on a journey to tell the world how evil adoption is. The question that keeps popping into my mind is: Why is there two different outcomes of adoption? What are the factors that contribute to a successful adoption that some of the adopted children did not have?
In my 30 years of life, I have dealt with many hardships. The death of my father was the hardest thing to overcome. I was a young teenager who saw my father slowly die from Alzheimer’s. Then years later, getting that dreaded call. I will never forget where I was when I received that call. That was a very heartbreaking time.
For me to overcome this hardship and many more in my life, I think the key was closure.
I needed closure. To move on. To start living again.
I wonder if all adopted children would have the time to find their closure, then the success rate for adoption would be much higher. Adopted children have had a rough life. Many memories. Good and bad. They have lived a certain lifestyle. Good and bad. But no matter what you think about it, it was THEIR life. It was theirs. Adoptive children do not have a lot to hold on to once they are relocated. So they hold on to what they can. Even if it just memories. Even if it was a certain way of life.
How can we find a way to give them closure and still hold on to these precious parts of their life?
That is the BIG question. And I am sure many of you (adopted, adoptees, people not even part of the adoption process) have great advice on this. Feel free to comment below with your advice and thoughts. Please no negative talk.
Things that have helped me with closure throughout my life:
1. Writing- a letter, a poem, a song, whatever you need to get your thoughts down and document your memories
2. Crying- even if you have to watch a sad movie or video just to start the tears flowing
3. Talking- talk about your feelings. The idea person would be your adopted parents,but anyone can help. A friend. School counselor. Therapist. Siblings.
4. Laughing- know that life for you is not over. It is just getting better. Do things that you love. Watch a comedy. Play sports. Play games. Make others laugh. 🙂
These ideas seem pretty simple but are really hard to actually do. Especially when you feel like you are at your lowest point in life.
For whatever reason why a child is in the foster care/adoption system, I truly hope that life does get better for them and that they get the closure they need to move forward in their life.