I was in our office today and came across some old books. I received these adoption books for free from an after garage sale in my old neighborhood years ago. When I first got them, I started reading one (Adoption After Infertility) and I felt so emotional that I could not finish reading. I tucked all the books away and never looked at them since today. I was not ready for what that book was telling me. So I shut it out.
When I saw the books again, my curiosity won me over. I decided to leave the Adoption After Infertility for the last one and scan over the other two books.
Adoption for Dummies is a pretty interesting book with a lot of useful information. I hate the title but their knowledge is good.
It touched upon a very sensitive subject for me. Well a couple sensitive subjects.
It portrays the birth mother/birth father as a very good woman/man who adoption parents need to embrace, respect, and be grateful for.
It describes how the birth mother/birth father should always be apart of the child’s life.
The birth parents will always have an effect on the child growing up and it is best to keep a positive image of the birth parents to the child.
Ever since day one when my daughter first came to me in foster care, I knew one of my jobs was to protect her. And I will always want to protect her. From anything. Anyone that will cause her harm. That includes birth parents if they do cause her more harm.
If knowing the birth parents causes more harm than anything positive, I don’t see why adoptive parents can not choose to limit the contact more. And in the future, when the child is older and more able to handle the situation, they can re-introduce the birth parents.
I know that not all birth parents are not the same. And some are actually really nice people. But, the majority of them have put their kids in the system. For whatever negative thing they did, their child is now is the state/county system. How can we just “erase” what they did and embrace them? Yes, we can show respect without actually liking them or their life decisions. I don’t think it is OK to just forget what they have done. With that said, I will never talk bad about the birth parents in front of my daughter. But I also will not hide the truth from her either just to keep a positive image of the birth parents. They messed up; she will know. They made a great choice in allowing her to be adopted; she will know. They love her; she will know. And if they make future mistakes, she will know.
I think things are really different from a foster/adoption than a paid adoption. So of course, the outlooks on birth parents will be different.
As of right now, we have visitation and contact with both birth parents. During visits, they have showed great respect for us and we have showed the same to them. We have not seen them in awhile because they keep rescheduling the visit day. They still do call sometimes. And so far everything has been OK.
This is my take on this book. It is a rated PG look at it. When I started writing this post, my goal was to write about all of my true feelings. But my shyness and mind overcame my desire to be speak of my true feelings. My shyness tells me “people might actually read it”. My brain tells me “someone may not like what I write”. I hate controversy and causing drama. I try to prevent anything bad from happening. So as of right now, a lot of my true feelings and thoughts are still kept hidden.
This goes with any of my posts or topics.
Hopefully, when I start writing more, I will feel more comfortable and courageous. 🙂
Until next time,