Early this morning (Sept 16 around 1:30 am), I had to say goodbye to my beautiful cat, ShyAnne. She was 15 ½ years old.
I feel so sad. My heart is hurting. My eyes are sore from crying and lack of sleep. I know she lived a long life but I guess I always expected her to be there. Now she is gone and I feel the emptiness in my life. For over 15 years, she has been apart of my life. She was there for me whenever I needed her. She comforted me when I was scared or sad. She listened to me when I needed to talk. She stayed by my side so I would never be alone. She was the best cat.
I named her ShyAnne because the word “shy” described her perfectly. I found her in a home shelter when she was just a few weeks old. I saw how scared she looked and knew right away that we needed each other. I was a young teen who was also scared of the world. I took her home and she was so shy. She started coming to me right away but was shy around everyone else. After awhile, she also started trusting my mom too. But ShyAnne always came to me and wanted to be around me. And even after 15 years, she was still the shyest cat around. Only to me was she relaxed and able to be herself.
I miss her so much.
I feel guilty. When my daughter came into our lives, I did not give ShyAnne the same attention as before. In the beginning, my daughter was so little and had breathing problems so she could not be around a cat. Then as my daughter grew older, her lungs healthier, she became strong and very hyper. We kept trying to teach my daughter not to be rough with our animals (we also have 2 medium size dogs). But she did not understand that her strong hug was actually starting to choke our pets! So we kept our daughter away from our shy ShyAnne. Finally, she started understanding more and actually petted ShyAnne nicely. But our daughter was just too loud for my quiet ShyAnne.
I should have spent more time with ShyAnne. I always thought how awesome it will be when my daughter gets a little older and calmer. I day dreamed about all three of us just sitting together, talking, and relaxing.
That was my plan. 😦 ShyAnne was suppose to live forever.
Not a lot of people understand the pain that I am feeling right now. They just don’t know that a pet is considered family. ShyAnne was my “sister” that I never had in real life.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to grieve. How can I memorialize her so she will never be forgotten?
I have decided to never adopt a kitten again. I can’t deal with this sadness of losing my lifelong friend.
My daughter saw me crying. She runs and hugs me. Says she is sorry. And wipes me tears away. I have never cried in front of her before. And her compassion and understanding of feelings overwhelmed me. She did not want to leave my side until she knew that I was OK. My daughter is amazing and has helped me laugh today. I am feeling extremely sad but she knows how to put a smile on my face…
I will forever miss you my ShyAnne. You are loved and missed so dearly. You are with my little angel babies and my daddy now. I hope you all continue to look down upon us and protect us.
Thank you ShyAnne. We all love you.
Until next time,