My Father

Yesterday, was my father’s birthday. He would have been 89 years old. He passed away almost 11 years ago (March 14, 2003). And I still miss him so much. Even though he lived a great life and he reached the age of 78, he has missed so much out of my life.

I was only 15 years old when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He was placed in a long term care facility because he became angry and violent. He changed so much. It seemed like overnight it just turned into a nightmare. He did not remember anyone. And visiting him was like a stabbing of my heart every time. It hurt me so much to see him suffering.
He missed most of my high school years. He missed my high school graduation. He missed meeting my future husband.
After years of suffering, he passed away from pneumonia in 2003. A week after his 78th birthday.
Three years later, my brother took my dad’s place and walked me down the aisle.
Our first home.
My college graduation.
My ectopic pregnancies.
My failed ivfs.
Our second home.
Our adoption of Baby K.
The most amazing times in my life.

He missed everything.

But, he lived a great life. Fought in WWII. Got married. Had kids. Saw his kids grow up. Saw his kids graduate. Saw them get married. Saw his grandkids be born. Even though he experienced life, he missed mine.

I was his youngest child. Because of that he has missed out on so much. And I missed out on him.

I was too young. Too naive to know how precious his life was. I knew nothing about death or sickness. At that age, it was just assumed he would always be around.

I wish I played with him more. Read with him more. Listened to his war stories. I wish I wrote his stories down. I wish I had more time with him.

Yesterday, we took flowers to his gravesite at the National Cemetery. I love how he will always be remembered as a veteran. He was very proud of himself that he fought for his country. And even prouder when two of his sons followed in his footsteps.

I love my dad so much and I miss him.

Forever in my heart.
Forever apart of me.
Forever your love
And memories
Will surround me.

Hug your loved ones tight. Give them an extra hug tonight.

Till next time,
Angelica

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