Unwanted Daydream

Once in awhile, my mind starts daydreaming about being pregnant. I get so irritated with myself and stop the dream as soon as it starts. Why do these visions of being pregnant still pop up in my mind? As of right now, there is just no way I can get pregnant. So why hold on to that dream?

Why is my body torturing me?

I try to think of all the reasons why God does not want me to pass down my genes. Just to try to comfort me and prove that this is how life is suppose to be.
I have many health issues. I’m not smart. My family medical history is insane. If I was to get pregnant and pass down my genes, my baby would grow up with just so much drama to deal with. It would be my fault he/she will be living with pain.
So my mind can think logically about this infertility nonsense. How to help my heart understand…

This month has been hard. Extremely draining. Can not wait to say “goodbye” to March. Always hated this month..

Until next time,


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