Foster/Adopt Process Update

Many months have passed and my family have been able to accomplish so many things. My husband and I completed the parenting classes that was offered through the county. And we completed all the live scans, doctor visits, initial paper work, and exit interview. We just had our home inspected by the state.  Now, we wait for our adoption worker and the home study to begin.   Even though we have made it through so many steps through out this process, we still have a long way to go.  But, I am getting more excited for this new path we are now on. Our house is ready for another little one. The bed is set up in the room waiting. Our daughter is so eager to share her toys. Our hearts are open and ready to love.

I walk pass the room every night and see the crib set up. My heart beats faster. My thoughts begin to race.  What does God have in store for us?  Will a baby enter our lives? Or a little 4 year old girl? We brought a convertible crib just in case. We try to be ready for whatever God has planned but it would definitely be a lot easier if He at least gave us hints along the way.  🙂

Much love to the world,

Angelica

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View of the ocean in San Diego

 

 

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First Friday Night of March

Happy Friday everyone. 
My Friday ended with a stomach full of cake and ice cream.   “What is the celebration?” , you might ask…   Well, we all survived this crazy week.  🙂  🙂 
I guess this week was not crazier than any other week but it was sure good to eat our delicious cake made by my daughter and I. Plus yummy homemade banana ice cream made by my husband.  I always prefer banana ice cream over store brought ice cream. It is simple to make and delicious.  You definitely need to try it if you haven’t already.

So this week, my husband and I actually finished all the applications for the foster/adopt program.  I know this is only the beginning. But I am happy that we are taking steps forward. 
On to the child development classes, CPR, and physical exams/tests….
I understand why we need to take these steps in our journey. It might be time consuming but it is great that the county is trying to weed out the people who just don’t get what being a parent is. It is great for everyone to be up-to-date on raising and protecting a child.
But I honestly think these classes (child development and CPR) should be a requirement for anyone who might be getting pregnant or for parents before they take their baby home.  Just think about how many things could have been prevented if people only knew…

As I was hanging up my daughter’s clothes today, I was scanning her closet and realized that she might be sharing her closet with another child soon. And I wondered how she would feel about sharing her closet which is full of clothes and toys. So I asked. (We are very open about this while process with her.)  She replied to me that she wants to share her whole room and she wants a sister to sleep in the room too. 
I have been really amazed by how much she is ready for this road ahead of us.  She is so eager to open her heart and her life to share with other children. I know this is God’s doing. He has a purpose for my daughter. He has given her so much strength and understanding even though she is still so young. 

Much love to the world,
Angelica

March is Here

Goodbye February. Hello March. Please be good to us.

My daughter has been asking for a sibling for a long time now… Specifically, a brother, a sister and a baby.

She has no idea just how much my heart cries a little every time she questions us about how much longer. Or when she is playing and then all of a  sudden, makes comments referring to what will happen when she gets to play with her brother, sister and baby.  I know she is ready for our family to grow. I am ready too.
We talk to her about the process and how long it will take.  But she does not understand the timeline. Which makes it harder for her eager mind. 
I wish so much that this process would be easier. I wish I could just get pregnant and have my 10 kids that I always wanted.  I wish that I could make K a big sister just like she truly wants.   But, God has other plans. And another timeline.
I know I will never fully understand His plans and I do not know what the future holds, but I do hope to see my house full of little children running around one day. One day soon.
We are still going through the Foster/Adopt paperwork. It is a lot of questions about life, family, health, and childhood.  It really makes you think about the quality of life when you were growing up.  Almost like getting a free therapy session. Hahaha. Just kidding. 
One thing that I have loved about all the paperwork was bonding more with my husband. Sharing memories, life trials, future dreams. Planning ahead.  I have always loved talking to him over all 15 years of knowing each other. Having him by my side will forever keep me strong. 

Much love to the world,
Angelica

Baptism

My daughter’s baptism is coming up soon. We have been busy planning and preparing for her reception. This is so new to me since I never had a baptism reception. So I relied on my trusted Google to supply me with information. Which did not help because there is just so many opinions and differences. But it did give me a lot of ideas and the “just” of what to do.
Yes, I could host a small reception with just close family to celebrate. I could be satisfied with ordering deli sandwiches and chips. But I truly want to celebrate. She is my first daughter. And may even be my only child. I want to go all out and celebrate her baptism.
It is very hard to explain this to people. They just don’t understand how when you finally receive your miracle of becoming a parent, that you just want to give your child the world. Nothing is too small. Nothing is too big. If she wants it. If she needs it. If she deserves it. We will try every way possible to give it to her.
So she will be having a nice baptism party. Not over the top. But cute, personalized, yummy food, and wonderful guests.
We decided to baptize her this month because it is a special month to us. This month, last year, was when our daughter finally legally became ours. I can not believe it has been over a year now since that amazing day. Every night, I still thank God for sending me my amazing girl.
I have a lot going on inside my head. Too much thinking. Figuring out life. Life is stressful. But I concentrate a lot on her baptism just to keep me sane. I am trying to let go and let God. But it is just way harder than I imagined.

Until next time,
Angelica

Grieving and My Daughter

Not a lot of people understand the heartache from the death of a pet. It is something you can’t explain. So only people with that horrible experience will know.
It has taken me awhile to “grieve” for my poor little cat. And the thought still hurts. But life just keeps going. Things must be done. Places to go. Life to live.
I read a quote somewhere a long time ago… Time does not heal the “wound” all the way. It just covers it with a scar.  The wound will never be forgotten. And can easily start to bleed again if picked at (remembered) often…
That is exactly how I feel with all the sorrows that has happened to me. All will always be remembered. But the scars will allow me to start living again.

I cried for the first time in front of my daughter when I knew my cat was dying. The look on her face was even more heartbreaking. She saw my pain. Walked to me. Hugged me with tears in her eyes and kept repeating “I’m so sorry, Mommy.” How did my little 2 year old even know what to do?? It amazes me how much compassion she showed me when I needed love the most. I love her so much. She has helped me so much in reminding me how lucky I am to have her as my daughter. Her laughter. Her jokes. Her silliness. Her hugs. Her love. She has kept me going.

I am very nervous about getting the call to go pick up my cat’s ashes… It should be any day now. I feel saddened just thinking about it. 😦 I dont know what I am going to do once I do pick her ashes up.

This will hopefully be my last post about my cat ShyAnne.. She will forever be in my heart. Forever a part of me. Forever my cat.

Until next time,
Angelica

Saying Goodbye to My 15 Year Old Cat ShyAnne

Early this morning (Sept 16 around 1:30 am), I had to say goodbye to my beautiful cat, ShyAnne. She was 15 ½ years old.

I feel so sad. My heart is hurting. My eyes are sore from crying and lack of sleep. I know she lived a long life but I guess I always expected her to be there. Now she is gone and I feel the emptiness in my life. For over 15 years, she has been apart of my life. She was there for me whenever I needed her. She comforted me when I was scared or sad. She listened to me when I needed to talk. She stayed by my side so I would never be alone. She was the best cat.
I named her ShyAnne because the word “shy” described her perfectly. I found her in a home shelter when she was just a few weeks old. I saw how scared she looked and knew right away that we needed each other. I was a young teen who was also scared of the world. I took her home and she was so shy. She started coming to me right away but was shy around everyone else.  After awhile, she also started trusting my mom too. But ShyAnne always came to me and wanted to be around me. And even after 15 years, she was still the shyest cat around. Only to me was she relaxed and able to be herself.
I miss her so much.
I feel guilty. When my daughter came into our lives, I did not give ShyAnne the same attention as before. In the beginning, my daughter was so little and had breathing problems so she could not be around a cat. Then as my daughter grew older, her lungs healthier, she became strong and very hyper. We kept trying to teach my daughter not to be rough with our animals (we also have 2 medium size dogs). But she did not understand that her strong hug was actually starting to choke our pets! So we kept our daughter away from our shy ShyAnne.  Finally, she started understanding more and actually petted ShyAnne nicely. But our daughter was just too loud for my quiet ShyAnne.
I should have spent more time with ShyAnne. I always thought how awesome it will be when my daughter gets a little older and calmer. I day dreamed about all three of us just sitting together, talking, and relaxing.
That was my plan. 😦  ShyAnne was suppose to live forever.
Not a lot of people understand the pain that I am feeling right now. They just don’t know that a pet is considered family. ShyAnne was my “sister” that I never had in real life.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to grieve. How can I memorialize her so she will never be forgotten?

I have decided to never adopt a kitten again. I can’t deal with this sadness of losing my lifelong friend.

My daughter saw me crying. She runs and hugs me. Says she is sorry. And wipes me tears away.  I have never cried in front of her before. And her compassion and understanding of feelings overwhelmed me. She did not want to leave my side until she knew that I was OK. My daughter is amazing and  has helped me laugh today. I am feeling extremely sad but she knows how to put a smile on my face…

I will forever miss you my ShyAnne. You are loved and missed so dearly. You are with my little angel babies and my daddy now. I hope you all continue to look down upon us and protect us.
Thank you ShyAnne. We all love you.

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Until next time,
Angelica