Many months have passed and my family have been able to accomplish so many things. My husband and I completed the parenting classes that was offered through the county. And we completed all the live scans, doctor visits, initial paper work, and exit interview. We just had our home inspected by the state. Now, we wait for our adoption worker and the home study to begin. Even though we have made it through so many steps through out this process, we still have a long way to go. But, I am getting more excited for this new path we are now on. Our house is ready for another little one. The bed is set up in the room waiting. Our daughter is so eager to share her toys. Our hearts are open and ready to love.
I walk pass the room every night and see the crib set up. My heart beats faster. My thoughts begin to race. What does God have in store for us? Will a baby enter our lives? Or a little 4 year old girl? We brought a convertible crib just in case. We try to be ready for whatever God has planned but it would definitely be a lot easier if He at least gave us hints along the way. 🙂
Goodbye February. Hello March. Please be good to us.
My daughter has been asking for a sibling for a long time now… Specifically, a brother, a sister and a baby.
She has no idea just how much my heart cries a little every time she questions us about how much longer. Or when she is playing and then all of a sudden, makes comments referring to what will happen when she gets to play with her brother, sister and baby. I know she is ready for our family to grow. I am ready too.
We talk to her about the process and how long it will take. But she does not understand the timeline. Which makes it harder for her eager mind.
I wish so much that this process would be easier. I wish I could just get pregnant and have my 10 kids that I always wanted. I wish that I could make K a big sister just like she truly wants. But, God has other plans. And another timeline.
I know I will never fully understand His plans and I do not know what the future holds, but I do hope to see my house full of little children running around one day. One day soon.
We are still going through the Foster/Adopt paperwork. It is a lot of questions about life, family, health, and childhood. It really makes you think about the quality of life when you were growing up. Almost like getting a free therapy session. Hahaha. Just kidding.
One thing that I have loved about all the paperwork was bonding more with my husband. Sharing memories, life trials, future dreams. Planning ahead. I have always loved talking to him over all 15 years of knowing each other. Having him by my side will forever keep me strong.
Shine So Bright
So high in height.
My dreams and wants,
Take wishful flight.
Could it be that easy,
For my dreams to come true?
Of course not,
When pain and struggles are due.
We must pay the price,
For our wants and demands.
Wake up from these dreams,
And the fairytale lands.
Your are the artist,
And life is your art.
Create your own stars.
Create your own light.
Make your own life,
Shine so bright.
By: Angie Velasquez 2016
Another night that is filled with wishful thinking and wishful dreams. Things that seem to be impossible right now, are really that impossible. Out of reach. So far into the future that it is joke to even dream.
Does dreaming the impossible actually cause more pain instead of giving hope?
Some days, like today, I wish I could glimpse into the future just to see what road I should be walking on now.
Just a little hint would help too.
I always dreamed of my infertility drama coming to a positive end. I never thought I would have to live with it for the rest of my life.
As the years go by, my hope slowly dwindles away. My dreams are no longer there. As if my unconscious mind knows the reality.
I will never understand why I was chosen to have infertility. But I guess I am just not suppose to know.
There is a plan for me. Getting pregnant and giving birth is not part of it. I feel like I must throw in my white flag and give up. I have to move on from my “want” and live with the plan that I “need” and the plan that God needs me to have.
I always ask myself if God truly wants me to try so hard. Does He really want me to suffer and cry while enduring treatments, negative pregnancy tests and early miscarriages… I just dont know.
For those of you who have moved on, when did you know it was time?