Best of Me Movie Review and Life

Be prepared… There are semi spoilers ahead…. 

I ran into this movie today while scanning  Netflix. And I was curious to see it since it is based on a book from Nicholas Sparks. I do own a couple of his books and enjoy reading them. But I have never read this particular one.  I wish I had though. I would have never watched the movie.

Not because it is an awful movie; but because it has a heart breaking sad ending. And I hate endings that are not “Happily Ever After…”.  I was not prepared for this sad ending. My heart is still trying to cope with it.

The movie itself is wonderful. Great plot even though I can not personally see myself as the main female character. I can relate to her with how much one person can love another. But I can not relate to how she could marry someone she truly did not love and suffer all these years with someone she grew to hate.

The beginning was so touching to see how this man saved this teenager instead of calling the cops on him. You hardly see these situations nowadays.  People just do not trust runaway teenagers.  But this man had a huge heart. And because of his heart, Dawson was able to live out his purpose in life.

It just makes you think just how much just one person can influence the rest of your life.

Where you ever in a situation where you thought you had no where else to go? At the last breath you might be taking? A time when your dreams were completely crushed? 

What happened? Did someone save you just as this man saved Dawson? Or maybe it was just a chance encounter with a stranger?

There is a purpose to our lives. There is an end of our path that is already mapped out. It is scary to think that we truly have no control since we are all destined for something. All we can do is live the best as we can with the life that we are given.

I do hope, though, that my life will have  something very meaningful to come out of it.

The movie touches on a lot of major life topics that are great discussion subjects.  Love, first date, lost loves, horrible parents, child abuse, rich vs poor, education, cancer, child loss, loving a child that is not blood related, beautiful set locations, gardening, etc. The list goes on and on.  And I could write a book if I wrote about each one.

Overall this is a great movie with good beautiful actors. The actors were able to make us visualize just how pure their love was. And the love between a true “parent” and child was spot on. 

Great movie. But would I watch this again? Sadly, no. Just because there is already too much pain in real life that I go to movies to escape it. And this movie did not help me escape from pain. Only added more sadness.

Much love to the world,
Angelica

My Father

Yesterday, was my father’s birthday. He would have been 89 years old. He passed away almost 11 years ago (March 14, 2003). And I still miss him so much. Even though he lived a great life and he reached the age of 78, he has missed so much out of my life.

I was only 15 years old when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He was placed in a long term care facility because he became angry and violent. He changed so much. It seemed like overnight it just turned into a nightmare. He did not remember anyone. And visiting him was like a stabbing of my heart every time. It hurt me so much to see him suffering.
He missed most of my high school years. He missed my high school graduation. He missed meeting my future husband.
After years of suffering, he passed away from pneumonia in 2003. A week after his 78th birthday.
Three years later, my brother took my dad’s place and walked me down the aisle.
Our first home.
My college graduation.
My ectopic pregnancies.
My failed ivfs.
Our second home.
Our adoption of Baby K.
The most amazing times in my life.

He missed everything.

But, he lived a great life. Fought in WWII. Got married. Had kids. Saw his kids grow up. Saw his kids graduate. Saw them get married. Saw his grandkids be born. Even though he experienced life, he missed mine.

I was his youngest child. Because of that he has missed out on so much. And I missed out on him.

I was too young. Too naive to know how precious his life was. I knew nothing about death or sickness. At that age, it was just assumed he would always be around.

I wish I played with him more. Read with him more. Listened to his war stories. I wish I wrote his stories down. I wish I had more time with him.

Yesterday, we took flowers to his gravesite at the National Cemetery. I love how he will always be remembered as a veteran. He was very proud of himself that he fought for his country. And even prouder when two of his sons followed in his footsteps.

I love my dad so much and I miss him.

Forever in my heart.
Forever apart of me.
Forever your love
And memories
Will surround me.

Hug your loved ones tight. Give them an extra hug tonight.

Till next time,
Angelica

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Saying Goodbye to My 15 Year Old Cat ShyAnne

Early this morning (Sept 16 around 1:30 am), I had to say goodbye to my beautiful cat, ShyAnne. She was 15 ½ years old.

I feel so sad. My heart is hurting. My eyes are sore from crying and lack of sleep. I know she lived a long life but I guess I always expected her to be there. Now she is gone and I feel the emptiness in my life. For over 15 years, she has been apart of my life. She was there for me whenever I needed her. She comforted me when I was scared or sad. She listened to me when I needed to talk. She stayed by my side so I would never be alone. She was the best cat.
I named her ShyAnne because the word “shy” described her perfectly. I found her in a home shelter when she was just a few weeks old. I saw how scared she looked and knew right away that we needed each other. I was a young teen who was also scared of the world. I took her home and she was so shy. She started coming to me right away but was shy around everyone else.  After awhile, she also started trusting my mom too. But ShyAnne always came to me and wanted to be around me. And even after 15 years, she was still the shyest cat around. Only to me was she relaxed and able to be herself.
I miss her so much.
I feel guilty. When my daughter came into our lives, I did not give ShyAnne the same attention as before. In the beginning, my daughter was so little and had breathing problems so she could not be around a cat. Then as my daughter grew older, her lungs healthier, she became strong and very hyper. We kept trying to teach my daughter not to be rough with our animals (we also have 2 medium size dogs). But she did not understand that her strong hug was actually starting to choke our pets! So we kept our daughter away from our shy ShyAnne.  Finally, she started understanding more and actually petted ShyAnne nicely. But our daughter was just too loud for my quiet ShyAnne.
I should have spent more time with ShyAnne. I always thought how awesome it will be when my daughter gets a little older and calmer. I day dreamed about all three of us just sitting together, talking, and relaxing.
That was my plan. 😦  ShyAnne was suppose to live forever.
Not a lot of people understand the pain that I am feeling right now. They just don’t know that a pet is considered family. ShyAnne was my “sister” that I never had in real life.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to grieve. How can I memorialize her so she will never be forgotten?

I have decided to never adopt a kitten again. I can’t deal with this sadness of losing my lifelong friend.

My daughter saw me crying. She runs and hugs me. Says she is sorry. And wipes me tears away.  I have never cried in front of her before. And her compassion and understanding of feelings overwhelmed me. She did not want to leave my side until she knew that I was OK. My daughter is amazing and  has helped me laugh today. I am feeling extremely sad but she knows how to put a smile on my face…

I will forever miss you my ShyAnne. You are loved and missed so dearly. You are with my little angel babies and my daddy now. I hope you all continue to look down upon us and protect us.
Thank you ShyAnne. We all love you.

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Until next time,
Angelica

Friday night

I have been in a “funk” recently… not actually sure what is causing it. But I hate it!! No drive. No desire to do anything. I need to get out of this mind state and start living again. There has been a lot on my mind and many things bothering me. But I can’t change any of them. So I need to just deal with them and move on.
Be patient.
Be positive.
Think positive.
Live positive.

In other news…..

We have decided to make my daughter’s bedroom into a cute garden with Disney princesses and fairies. We want a cute huge tree & flowers painted on the walls. And we will use the peel-able princess/fairy stickers to place around the flowers. First problem is finding someone to paint the tree and flowers. I wish I was artistic. Ever since I was young, I always wanted to be crafty and talented in art. I would try my hardest in art class. But my finished product would look so amateur. I am definitely not an artist.

……..

I am getting more nervous about this Syria situation. No matter which direction we go, the US is f***** up.. I am nervous for my brother who is in the Army. And I am nervous for all of us who live in the U.S. This is not going to be a good outcome.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and live life to the fullest. We honestly do not know what will happen tomorrow.

Until next time,
Angelica

Living in a World Full of Sadness

My mind, my heart, and my soul just can not take too much sadness. Even though my heart still cries, my mind must shut the sadness out so I can continue to live.

Everyday. Everywhere. There is sadness.
Personal experiences in the world. Stories I have read online.  I can not hide away from sadness. But my mind has taught itself how to block it and remove as much of it as possible.

Yesterday, I see little kids asking strangers for money in the streets as their parent sits on the sidewalk waiting. Some people believe that they truly need the money. Some people think it is all an act and they actually live really good lives with all the “donations” they receive daily. How will we know what is true?? Either way, I feel so much sadness for the children.

Friends post on Facebook about dogs needs a forever home or they will die. PETA is being accused of killing animals. Posts about pets being tortured. So much sadness.

Children running away. Children missing. Children being abused. Children being bullied. Children who are barely surviving because of no fault of their own.

Families losing their home. Families working overtime just to come out even. Families moving in with families because rent is too high.

We are always surrounded by sadness. But somehow we must still survive. We must move on and live the best life as possible.

People are different and react to situations differently. Some people can move on fast. Some people take a little longer. But no matter what, we are somehow built to “move on”.

How is it possible to move on with so much suffering and sadness in this world?

I am not sure how but my mind has become very good at placing sad things in the back of my mind. I still feel sad about them but I am able to live without thinking about them. Some major sufferings do take longer and some actually resurface. But I can still live and concentrate on the happy parts of life.

When something sad comes up, my heart starts to hurt and I actually feel like my heart is going to explode with all these sadness it has to deal with. My body feels sad for at least a day. Then it seems like I just readjust and my mind starts pushing this sadness back.  Time to move on.

Very weird to me. And I hope someone understands. Have you ever paid attention to your reaction to sad news?

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First August post!! This year is going by too fast. Christmas will be here soon……

My mind wonders a lot. And I have always been known as a dreamer. A quiet dreamer. So these weird topics will always pop up in my blog. I never know what my mind wants to talk about until I start writing. Thank you for reading.

Until next time,

Angelica

Disneyland trip with bad experience June 26, 2013

Tonight, I keep thinking about my monthly trip to Disneyland with my little family. We went a few days ago but barely looked at the Photo pass pictures. And while looking at the pictures, I re-lived our horrible experience with the character Aurora (the princess). I can not believe how “distant” and unloving she was towards my two year old daughter! She did not even hug her! Did not even bend down to take good pictures with her. Did not even touch her! I know my two year knew something was different. She was already nervous and expected a huge from all of her favorite princesses! She looked even more nervous when she did not receive a hug from Aurora. I felt horrible that this woman would act that way towards my child! I didn’t want to make a scene and we were rushed to the next princess. So I shook it off and moved on so we can enjoy the rest of the day.
Since we are annual pass holders, we try to go to the Disneyland parks at least once a month. So we have been to the Princess meeting area a few times now. And all those times, my daughter had wonderful experiences. She received the biggest hugs, took awesome pictures, and each princess took the time to bend down face to face and talk to my daughter. She has meet Aurora before too.
So this reaction from this other Aurora really hit us off guard. I just can’t believe it. I can not believe her. I really think that true ladylike princesses should be casting as a major princess at Disneyland. This woman needs to be removed from this job! I am so hurt that she would do this. This is not OK to treat a two year old!
I have pictures too. Proof of her rudeness! So the world can see who she is. So Disneyland can see who she is.
I have put hearts on my little girl to protect her identify. But anyone can clearly see what happened that day.
Please comment and share this! Help me get the word out and hopefully something can be done about this unloving woman.

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I have a few more pictures too. One of Kaycee looking up at her just waiting to be hugged and never receiving any love. Very heartbreaking. Those “smiles” from this lady were fake!
We have never experienced anything so hurtful at Disneyland. You would not expect this to happen to your child. So unbelievable.

😦